Matthew Botos

I was conceived in the Bronx but was born and raised in Delaware when my parents made a pit stop on their way to Florida. This gave me the rare opportunity to not experience sales tax until much later in life and to know who Joe Biden was before a few weeks ago. Since I was nine years old all I have ever wanted to do was stroke a young Jim Morrison’s hair while tripping on peyote in the California desert.

Comprehensive and politically topical, but a bit too much information.

I am ready for an adult (mature, not film industry) relationship in my personal life.

Guess I won’t introduce you to my friend Leon Phelps, “When I said dinner, I meant sex; and when I said a movie, I meant I’d be videotaping it.”

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Coming to America is one of those very quotable movie that any self-respecting guy can spout lines from, and even 20 years later it proves some aspects of dating are timeless:

Semmi: But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.

Prince Akeem, Semmi: Queens!

They got one point right: go to the city. Much to my chagrin, the greater population of cities and larger proportion of young people means more options no matter how you go about dating.

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More choice lines from the world of online dating:

We can be friends but I’m more looking for a playmate sexually. I’ve had some experience just one on one and with threesomes. But this time I just want some one on one again. Right now I’m searching for a female playmate.

So much promise, only to be ruled out at the end!

If you contact me telling me you want to do something sexual to me, want to see me naked, or anything remotely perverted that makes it sound like all you want to meet me for is sex, you will NOT get a response back from me! And don’t ask me to drive to you, either - you’ve gotta at least meet me half way.

And they say chivalry is dead! A real gentleman always offers to pick a lady up before doing perverted things to her…

Good writers know a strong opening line hooks a reader; so do these daters:

Sex on acid after a coke binge, followed by an ecstasy and whiskey chaser was by far the most interesting and intense experience of my life.

Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship.

Then there’s this one, which had just too much innuendo to fit in one sentence:

Hot Receiver Seeking Quarterback, a first round choice, no free agents must have ability to read the defense, go third and long and work well with the pressure in the pocket, under a blitz or pass rush. Willing to sign with the team for the season?

Current Playbook includes: Play-Action-Pass, Hitch and Go, Hail Mary, Quarterback Sneak, Pump Fake, Bomb, Buttonhook. Hurry-up Offense (not really desired but workable if yardage is gained). Penalties may be incurred for: False start, delay of game, offside, too many men on the field, unnecessary roughness and intentional grounding.

No Astroturf on the playing field….boundaries are clearly marked, try to remain inbounds at all times for the best drive into the End Zone! Go adjust your cup and head for the locker room! LOL!