It’s not dating, it’s entertainment

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

Red rocks tree

I was conceived in the Bronx but was born and raised in Delaware when my parents made a pit stop on their way to Florida. This gave me the rare opportunity to not experience sales tax until much later in life and to know who Joe Biden was before a few weeks ago. Since I was nine years old all I have ever wanted to do was stroke a young Jim Morrison’s hair while tripping on peyote in the California desert.

Comprehensive and politically topical, but a bit too much information.

I am ready for an adult (mature, not film industry) relationship in my personal life.

Guess I won’t introduce you to my friend Leon Phelps, “When I said dinner, I meant sex; and when I said a movie, I meant I’d be videotaping it.”

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The Dating Wisdom of Coming to America

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

Coming to America is one of those very quotable movie that any self-respecting guy can spout lines from, and even 20 years later it proves some aspects of dating are timeless:

Semmi: But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king.

Prince Akeem, Semmi: Queens!

They got one point right: go to the city. Much to my chagrin, the greater population of cities and larger proportion of young people means more options no matter how you go about dating.

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Online Dating Line-o-rama

Sunday, September 21st, 2008

More choice lines from the world of online dating:

We can be friends but I’m more looking for a playmate sexually. I’ve had some experience just one on one and with threesomes. But this time I just want some one on one again. Right now I’m searching for a female playmate.

So much promise, only to be ruled out at the end!

If you contact me telling me you want to do something sexual to me, want to see me naked, or anything remotely perverted that makes it sound like all you want to meet me for is sex, you will NOT get a response back from me! And don’t ask me to drive to you, either - you’ve gotta at least meet me half way.

And they say chivalry is dead! A real gentleman always offers to pick a lady up before doing perverted things to her…

Opening Lines

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

White, gold, and blueGood writers know a strong opening line hooks a reader; so do these daters:

Sex on acid after a coke binge, followed by an ecstasy and whiskey chaser was by far the most interesting and intense experience of my life.

Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship.

Then there’s this one, which had just too much innuendo to fit in one sentence:

Hot Receiver Seeking Quarterback, a first round choice, no free agents must have ability to read the defense, go third and long and work well with the pressure in the pocket, under a blitz or pass rush. Willing to sign with the team for the season?

Current Playbook includes: Play-Action-Pass, Hitch and Go, Hail Mary, Quarterback Sneak, Pump Fake, Bomb, Buttonhook. Hurry-up Offense (not really desired but workable if yardage is gained). Penalties may be incurred for: False start, delay of game, offside, too many men on the field, unnecessary roughness and intentional grounding.

No Astroturf on the playing field….boundaries are clearly marked, try to remain inbounds at all times for the best drive into the End Zone! Go adjust your cup and head for the locker room! LOL!

The Break-Up

Sunday, August 31st, 2008

I saw The Break-Up again this week, and have to add it my list of 3 Favorite Dating Movies for two reasons:

  1. It shows the darker far side of a relationship, and the seemingly illogical ways people try to hurt one another in the name of trying to bring a relationship back together. In reality, it’s all to easy to get caught up in perceived slights and feeling unappreciated while missing the bigger picture.
  2. It’s not a black and white break-up, but a more realistic mix of emotions. They know they aren’t right for each other, but can still have a fondness for the things that did work and the fun times. There’s a couple of those longing glances across the room in the movie, and the last scene shows it’s still there months later.

Freeze Your Cake and Eat it Too

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

An op-ed this week in the Wall Street Journal argued that The Next Sexual Revolution is better technology for freezing eggs and later pregnancies. The new plan for ambitious, career-oriented women is apparently to freeze your young eggs, throw yourself into your career, and then have a child alone at 50.

I have a tough time seeing that actually work. My younger friends who are having kids find it’s an exhausting enterprise even with two parents, and I can’t imagine it gets easier with age or while you’re trying to maintain a career and a family on your own. There’s also an important distinction between “having a child” and “raising a family”.

Overall, it seems like a lot of people have forgotten that life is a balance and its different phases have different priorities. As the author notes, compromises are possible, even in more competitive fields like medicine.

The younger generation (Gen X, Y, and the Millenials) are supposedly more focused on this balance, though the self-described passions of my online and offline dates are more split. About half are passionate about their careers, the other half their family and friends, and ostensibly starting families of their own. My own passions are still listed as travel and photography, though in practice I devote more time to looking for the right person to start that next phase of life - and a family.

Marrying for Love … of Money

Friday, December 14th, 2007

Good news and bad news from the Wall Street Journal on marriage and money:

The matrimonial price tag varies by gender and age. Asked how much a potential spouse would need to have to be money-marriage material, women in their 20s said $2.5 million. The going rate fell to $1.1 million for women in their 30s, and rose again to $2.2 million for women in their 40s.

Of course, when the mercenary marriage proves disappointing, there’s always divorce. Among the women in their twenties who said they would marry for money, 71% said they expected to get divorced — the highest of any demographic. Only 27% of men in their 40s expected to divorce. Says Mr. Prince: “For these women, it’s just another step on their journey to the good life. They want to be paid what they think they’re worth and then move on.”

You’re Going Out Wearing That?!

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

I’ve often wondered what you happen if I wore one of T-Shirt Hell’s mysoginistic shirts to a speed-dating event. Radars vulgar T-shirt prank answers that question and more - time to go shopping, I guess!

HurryDate Analysis

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

I stumbled across another interesting academic paper on dating and mate preferences: HurryDate: Mate preferences in action from the University of Pennsylvania. They looked at about 10,000 speed daters and report:

Our main findings are that (1) HurryDate interactions are driven primarily by generally agreed-upon mate values and less by niche-based or assortative patterns, (2) the agreed-upon mate values for both men and women derive almost exclusively from physically observable attributes like attractiveness, BMI, height, and age and are not substantially related to harder-to-observe attributes such as education, religion, sociosexuality, having children, or desiring future children, and (3) small positive assortative trends arise in the areas of race and height.

I’m a little suspect of the self-reported data they relied on, though the bell curve on some of the parameters makes sense. It’s also interesting to see where the averages fall and the differences between sexes, including that women want more kids. They also confirmed at least one stereotype, albeit in rather dry academic language:

These results indicate that, while men generally chose thinner women, previously married men and African - American men had reduced tendencies to do so.

Someone needs to send these poor grad students some Sir Mix Alot!

They also noted a interesting self-awareness:

Our results also suggest that men and women are both aware that they are in a market and know, to some degree, how to respond to market forces. Both women and men decreased their selectivity to the extent that they were less desirable and, specifically, to the extent that they had a less desirable BMI. Heavier women said yes to a relatively high proportion of potential dates, as did men who were either heavy or very thin. Men appeared to attempt to compensate somewhat for having a less attractive face, but not at all for being older or shorter.

No earth-shattering revelations; my big take away here is to wonder if my all too intensive experience with both statistics and dating would give me advance standing in their PhD program.

One in a Million

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

One of my favorite quotes about dating is “if the right person for you is one a million, how many people do you have to meet before you find them?” Well, I noticed today that I’m up to 954 “closed” matches on eHarmony after various stints, so my odds are improving :) Though it doesn’t say much for Dr. Neil’s 29 dimensions of compatibility that for as many dates came from his matches, only one made it to an actual relationship…